Tuesday, October 25, 2011

all the single ladies …

this past weekend, I had the pleasure of spending time with a woman that I won’t hesitate to call, one of my faves.  her coordinates on the map are exactly too many miles south of my location {the city of angels, to be specific}; but I’m lucky enough to get a call when she temporarily relocates to the northern region I like to call home.

as is usually a part of our conversation, we talked for a while about single-hood, a state of life in which she is currently situated.  not necessarily to her liking, but she is there nonetheless.

our conversation about the over abundance of fabulous women caught in the world of single-hood got me thinking.  why are there so many women moving their way through life without a suitor?  even my husband doesn’t get it.

are guys dumb?  blind?  insane? why aren’t these fabulous women getting snatched up by a great, well-rounded, God-loving, adventurous gentleman?  are there any more out there?

we often try to analyze the situation at hand, by diagnosing the problem that seems to breed amongst young adults on the west coast {I specify the west coast, because that’s all I know … and my mid-western husband claims these problems are not so common in the center of the states, where chivalry still exists}; the problem of “non-dating dating”.  {yes, I gave it my own name}.  people date in groups.  they meet in groups.  they get to know each other in groups.  and they date in groups.  {not that alone-time is a requirement for dating at all.  courting is still a thriving option, and a smart one at that – if you ask me}.

however, when all is done in “groups”, one nearly discards the responsibility of pursuit.  initiating an introduction … and subsequent conversations thereafter.  why is that?  why has the good old fashioned “boy meets girl, boy pursues girl, boy falls in love with said-totally-fabulous-girl, and they live happily ever after” story seem so rare?  it’s more like, “boy and girl meet in a crowd and then see each other occasionally when the crowd gets together until someone says ‘hey, you should like him/her’ and then they mutually decide that they like each other enough to try it out”.

I was pursued.  for 5 months, we were just friends.  friends that hung out all the time, but still; just friends.  no hand holding, no cuddling; nothing.  he kept calling and he kept coming around.  until I knew him.  until I knew who he was as a man, as a friend, and as a companion.  through 5 months of pursuing me through friendship, he showed me that my heart was safe in his hands.  and then, he asked me to be his girlfriend.  after he asked my dad, of course.

call me old fashioned.  it’s how I think it should be.

the only consolation I could give my dear friend, amidst my lack of understanding of her current state of life {although I know what it’s like to be single … I may have played hard-to-get, but I was the only girl of all my friends to never {repeat: NEVER} get invited to a fraternity formal – or any other boy-asks-girl-type event – the entire duration of my college career.  I may have pretended I didn’t care.  and I really may not have cared … most of the time}, was that this is an incredible opportunity for you to grow in Christ and into the kind of wife you want to become.  it’s cliché, I know.  but a cliché only becomes a cliché because it’s rooted in truth.  right?

the deeper your heart is in the word, the greater you will know Christ.  by knowing Christ, you will learn more about yourself … who you are, who you want to be through Him, and how to get there.  use the advantage you have of time.  time to learn about the kind of wife God wants you to be for your husband.  time to rid yourself of those habits/reactions/not-so-uplifting-traits that seem “ok” while on your own, but might hurt your future roomie down the road.  because he’s going to be more than a roomie.  it’s more than a never ending sleep over.  it’s marriage.  the biggest and most serious commitment you will ever make in your life.  it’s never too early to start preparing yourself.  your husband will thank you for it. 

it may seem far off and not in the plans for you.  but you don’t know that yet.  so don’t be afraid of ending up alone or worried that you aren’t going to fall in love … because you are too rad to waste time worrying.

use your time to prepare yourself.  don’t you hope God is doing the same work in him; for you? 

my friend asked me what I wish I had “worked” on or learned about myself before getting married.  my answer: my fear of looking foolish.  when someone critiques something I did/am doing {or insert a million other possible situations here}, I get defensive.  I make excuses.  I justify every action.  it’s not becoming.  it’s not good.  {hence my reading and re-reading of psalms}  my reaction usually ends up hurting my husband.  the man that continually reminds me “I’m on your side.  always.”  I hate that I need that reminding.

had I been reading and fervently preparing myself for wife-hood earlier in life, with my future husband in mind, maybe I’d be at least a few steps closer to being the kind of wife God has called me to be.  {and missing all those fraternity formals wouldn’t have been such a {secret} bummer.}

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